When Dawn Miller’s teenaged twin daughters asked for help in deciding what to do after high school, she was at a loss. They said, %26#39;You know, there’s so much out there. Where do we start? How do we kind of figure this all out?’ And I didn’t have an answer for them, she said. There’s a lot more options and opportunities than when I graduated from high school many years ago.
Ms. Miller, a clinical nurse educator in Halifax, turned to an innovative Nova Scotia program that teaches parents how to be their children’s career coaches. The workshops, which take place in schools, equip mothers and fathers with skills to help their youngsters navigate the bewildering world of postsecondary education.
We really wanted to start with who the information givers are, and our research tells us that, believe it or not, the biggest influencers in a teenager’s life are Mom and Dad, said Stuart Gourley, senior executive director of the Nova Scotia Education Department’s skills and learning branch.
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Dawn Miller with her children, from left, Rachel, Katie and Matt. Ms. Miller is learning how to help her kids choose university courses. (Sandor Fizli for The Globe and Mail)
In a 2006 survey of Grade 12 students conducted by the province, 35 per cent of respondents said their parents or other family members were the most influential factor in their decision-making on what to do after graduation. An additional 42 per cent said family was their second or third most important influence.
The workshops reflect the reality that high-school guidance counsellors are overburdened and don’t have time to teach parents the ins and outs of offering career advice. Proponents argue that educating the people who know their children best can help avert poor decisions, such as choosing ill-suited programs and later dropping out.
The parents are the ones that really, really want to help and they don’t know how. And this gives them techniques, said Lawrie Delbridge, a facilitator at the Nova Scotia Community College, which runs the classes. He later said parents’ most common question is: How do I help my child make decisions?
The province began widely offering the free workshops - which take three evenings over three weeks and come complete with homework - in November. (In the 2006-2007 school year, they were available to parents of teens who were having trouble in school.) So far this year, 120 parents - mostly mothers - have taken the course and 330 more have signed up. The program is available in 32 high schools, one-third of the province’s total, and costs the government about $250,000 a year. The workshops teach parents that career coaching is more than asking your children what they want to be. Facilitators offer tips on how to get teens talking about their interests after high school, urging parents to take every opportunity - from asking how they did on a test to leaving brochures around the house - to spark discussions. Above all, parents are encouraged to value their teens’ opinions and not to push them into certain occupations.
If parents disagree with their children’s chosen career paths, facilitators tell them to support their youngsters while perhaps gently helping them understand the downside of their plans.
It gives them some of the tools that they need to engage with their sons and daughters in terms of how do they get them talking, how do they get them thinking about the future as opposed to what they’re going to do on the weekend or what they’re going to wear to the next dance, said Trevor Brumwell, a guidance counsellor at Citadel High School in Halifax who organized the course at his school. It’s a huge challenge.
Parents also learn to analyze their children’s activities to find patterns of skills and aptitudes, which can help suggest occupations. They receive information on researching postsecondary options - from trade school to college to university. And they discover that the labour market has changed enormously since they graduated from high school; experts now say many workers will have eight different careers.
Ms. Miller, who took the workshops last month in the cafeteria of her daughters’ school with 60 other parents, has already tried out tips to get her children talking about their interests as they wash dishes. Her twins, who are 17 and in Grade 11, have different ideas. Rachel is considering business or chemistry and Katie is thinking about psychiatry or psychology, or maybe something that would use her English skills. And her son, Matt, who is 14 and in Grade 9, wants to be a dentist.
They’re huge decisions, said Ms. Miller, 50. You want to do something that makes you happy.
Career coaching tips
Analyze your children’s activities and interests throughout their lives. Have they always preferred being outside? Do they gravitate toward animals? Do they favour being alone? Identify patterns.
Ask your kids to talk about pride stories - things they’ve done that make them proud. Ask them to talk about what they did to make them happen. Again, look for patterns.
When you and your children have identified their skills and interests, develop a list of what qualities your kids want in a career. Analyze the list and consider different occupations that fit those criteria.
Once your children have an idea of what they would like to do, mine your network of friends to find people in similar occupations. Help your teenagers arrange meetings to talk about the ins and outs of that particular
career.
Jill Mahoney
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